Admirable — Gossip. Gossip never changes. The fallout from Parts 1 & 2 continues to rain down, mutating teams strong enough to evolve and sucking the life out of less fortunate rosters. The ETF2L Season 16 signup deadline has officially passed as of midnight last night. It’s at this time every season that I lock horns with my nemesis, Sonny Black, over the scope of the inevitable pre-season Premiership playoffs.
The industrious German would have you believe he is no longer ETF2L Head Admin, but everyone knows Permzilla is just his puppet; his evil roots run deep under Europe. Damn, this tinfoil hat is really starting to chafe, but you could barely even call this a conspiracy theory. A character assassination at best, but the man revels in playing the role of the wet blanket.
Every season I request that anyone who has the desire and at least some justification of a claim to Premiership status should be given a shot through playoffs, and every season the killjoys win. They would maintain that there simply isn’t enough time, preferring to let their own warped sense of who is worthy dictate who will be seated at the top table in Team Fortress 2. Yet every season no changes are made, no allowance made for proper playoffs.
If you believe that competition is the only true and accurate discriminator… If you want to see a genuine pre-season spectacle… If you love drama… Let your voices be heard! Europe, harass your local ETF2L admin today. Bring the shit storm.
Moving swiftly on. There are quite a few new rosters floating out there in the internet ether; some doing a poor imitation of a team, whilst others are tangible competitive entities. I won’t be talking about those today. Instead I will grab a firm hold of the remaining sturdy squads that have endured (more or less) since Season 15 and try to discern what makes them tick.
Impracticable Project
This, the team of many names, is the team that has been continually underestimated. You may know them as SOLAR. You may know them as eibnfuii. You may know them as The legend of peter and paul: fuck Pablo (my personal favourite). All I know for sure is that there is real star quality here and it blindsided me and a large swathe of Season 15’s Premier Division who were left wondering why they had missed out on playoffs.
I had considered myself to be fairly “in the know” with regards to the competitive scene in Europe, but seriously where the hell did these guys come from?! The soldier and scout pairs here are incredible workhorses, managing to carry the erratic, and since expelled, Lalli for far longer than was necessary. His replacement is yet to be found, with Zebbosai having led them on a merry dance in the off-season during his dalliance as demoman, before to joining Team Infused as scout.
Prior to that their old medic buddy vani had parted on strange terms. Only recently was he replaced by fellow Swede, LillCeder. Hardly the most inspiring of pickups, but if it works; it works. More intriguing is who they are currently pinning all their hopes to play the black cyclops in their upcoming ETF2L and ESEA dramas… none other than the beard of i49, ryb! It remains to be seen if he will sign on the dotted line, but I understand a decision will be made either way come Sunday.
| LillCeder | ??? | Hycz | qnx | cor | maidu |
Now that Broder are out of the picture, Impracticable Project are now the third best team in Europe by default. Whether or not they manage to acquire the veteran demoman, again I have to put an ominous question mark over LillCeder, who has spent several seasons clan-hopping on an eternal quest for his big break. Now he has entered the top tier, but he still has it all to prove. Will he be able to rise to a true Premiership standard or simply be a hindrance in unlocking the raw potential contained in this roster? Time will tell.
Team Decerto
The formerly Furbo Pandas (sellouts!) are undertaking their first season in the big leagues and are seemingly unfazed by the whole ordeal. Trying to find any gossip or news on this sextet was akin to getting blood from a stone, but I am a man of many means and did eventually garner a response from the nonchalant nord, zooob.
“Standard stuff, same roster” he informed me. So if you have read Mia’s article you already know everything there is to know. I thought I had heard some uncertainty about Sheepy’s future on the grapevine, but it is quite possible I imagined it or got it muddled among the 800+ lines of my GOSSIP.txt; either way, the Finn didn’t mention it.
He did however declare that Sideshow and furbo had been away, and as such they are lacking a bit of proper practice. With two weeks until league play gets underway the number of suitable practice days are fast dwindling, now might be a good time to get back on that horse?
As a team, these guys don’t seem to get much respect from the community, despite demonstrating steady improvement over a number of seasons and actually earning a place in the Premier Division through good old-fashioned hard graft.
Hildreth has matured from my whipping boy to an excellent demoman. Furbo’s transition from highlander scout has been a seamless and fruitful one. Sheepy has been saluted as upcoming talent of the season. Sideshow has been constantly on his grind, keening it up on the pickup and mix scene, and may even be a 6.4 these days. Bulle was one of PyRoGEN’s greatest assests, exhibiting a great read and uber game.
These guys are legit. I don’t expect to see them in the relegation battle, despite what the ever-so-modest Hildreth might have previously said. Oh and zooob is good too! #believe
d-d-Did I Stutter?
On to another team who have engineered that same upward skill trajectory for an even longer period. A little ETF2L archaeology will tell you that Funkadelic has been on this roster since March 2011 and since that time he has dragged this roster, in some shape or form, kicking and screaming to the limelight of Division 1, earning a bronze medal for their troubles in the intense season past.
An impressive i49 LAN performance, bolstered by the mercenary talents of Stark and a man with a point to prove by the name of Brego, saw them take victory against the Frenchies and drive Team Infused to the brink of a Golden Cap. Surely a good omen for the season ahead? Alas all has not been well in the house that speech impediments built…
Permzilla had thrown a pre-season spanner in the works, having grown tired of playing scout and subsequently moved to a backup position. At the same time it seems the team felt they had outgrown their medic, Fenrir, so he too was moved to the bench. Funkadelic was then to try his hand as medic and Permzilla reinstated in the starting six as the demoman.
However, it transpired that Permzilla lacked the vocal fortitude to play the pivotal damage dealing role. This realisation came at the same time as former Team Infused legend, Hat, entered the picture under the pretence of filling the scout vacancy, only to then put himself forward as the replacement medic. Funk was then switched back to demoman and the scout spot reopened, with Permzilla stepping back entirely to focus on his educational, social and administrative obligations. What a fucking soap opera!
| Hat | Funkadelic | Linus | wolve | Buttnose | Thalash |
As of today I can tell you that t-t-Thalash, A.K.A. the poor mans’ TviQ, has officially entered the fold and appears to have been the only scout who trialled. I should point out as well that in a change from last season, Linus is now pocket and wolve will be roaming.
When I quizzed Funkadelic about his aspirations for the season he was talking about being happy to finish Top 3… in Division 1. Seriously? Does no one have any god damn ambition anymore? “Surely you are worthy of a shot at Prem?” I pressed, but his considered response was that they didn’t see themselves being involved outside of the relegation battle. That’s the spirit! Jesus…
These Big Jessies are also participating in ESEA courtesy of Angel’s sponsorship for which they seemed genuinely grateful. Personally, I am sad to see Permzilla stop playing. He had become an impressive scout, for what it’s worth.
LEGO
Two pureblood Nordic rosters will wrap up today’s coverage. The first features an all-Danish line-up that unsurprisingly came from the spark of Denmark’s Nations Cup campaign. The SdX Gaming team that picked up silver in Division 2A has been butchered and rebranded with Natural, helberg and relative newcomer, zen, joining the ranks.
This influx of players has empowered F2 to swap scattergun for medigun once more, which sort of makes my heart sing. Literally one of the greatest medics ever to grace the game, and he feels confident enough in this roster to put himself in the firing line again. He might deny it, saying that it was purely “coincidental”, but this is a big deal!
Reading between the lines it seems like these guys are having a lot of fun playing together, and when asked if they wished to participate in the Premiership this season, F2 was stoic as ever, stating that they wanted to work hard on their teamplay and really become a better team before even considering that.
| F2 | Dr. Phil | Natural | crizzl | helberg | zen |
Natural will be assuming the role of main caller and pocket with F2 his second-in-command. The helburg-zen pairing seems a very promising one; helberg capable of sniping with the best and zen an unknown quantity, but clearly regarded highly by these five Danes.
They will not be competing in ESEA, content to focus on one league this season. F2 also wished to shout out calm for sponsoring the team.
The MIPC Organization
The final roster for this episode bathes in the blue and white of Finland and, no doubt, in the blood of their enemies. Confirming its status as the retirement home for the Finnish TF2 illuminati, Division 2B’s champions have picked up hymzi and xzr in the interim period.
It seems it was all very amicable with previous demoman, tomzi, due for military service and pocket, miikka, taking a season off and relinquishing his duties to hocz, who himself makes way for hymzi on scout. Two years ago this would have been a formidable roster, but how keen they will be remains to be seen.
| etwi | xzr | hocz | Karhunen | hymzi | Tunttu |
Karhunen, my point of contact, said they would gladly accept an opportunity to enter any Premier Division playoff, but didn’t seem too bothered either way. In the recent Finland vs. Sweden fixture I thought hocz look as comfortable as ever on pocket, thought hymzi didn’t seem to be having the same success rate as in days gone by with his suicidal plays. What do I think of xzr? Oh you really don’t want to know…
Join me tomorrow for Part 4 as I scrape the bottom of the competitive barrel. Ewwww! There could be gold down there… but probably shit.
Originally published on VanillaTV (vanillatf2.org) on 2013-09-13 by Admirable.
Recovered from the Internet Archive (archived copy) as part of tf2esports.com's preservation of VanillaTV's TF2 coverage. The original site is no longer online. All rights remain with the original author; reposted for historical reference.