Admirable — The administrative machinery of the ETF2L seems to be working relatively smoothly in the light of the big changes at the top. Less than twenty four hours after the Season 16 signup deadline had past we had the Provisional Divisions thrust in to our sweaty palms. Of course, I am disappointed by the limited nature of the playoffs, but I said enough about that yesterday in Part 3.
You would be mistaken if you thought the fourth instalment of this gossip epic would merely consist of the dregs of the talent pool. There are a few surprises in store today and perhaps more teams still to cover and updates to confirm in a fifth and final episode, so pardon my brevity.
The arrival of the provisional divisions has stolen my thunder to a certain extent. Teams that you may not have been aware of are no longer hidden in the shadowy depths of ETF2L.org’s cavernous halls. It’s all out there now, displayed in broad daylight, and even worse, some of them are in Division 2. Oh my! I feel a little queasy. This is not the domain of a Premiership Ambassador. Let’s get this over and done with. First up is a brace of Russian te… wait… STOP THE PRESSES!
SORRY TEAM
Sacré bleu! What is this apparition before me? A sexy French Premiership roster! Punchline minus Captainhax plus T-Mac equals très intéressant! OK. I will cease my embarrassing misuse of the French language, but you have to admit that this is something worth getting excited about.
Don’t rejoice too soon, for the return of the solid low prem baguettes is not a done and dusted deal. Their impromptu arrival on the doorstep of Season 16 has come some hours after the deadline date, and we know how those admins are real sticklers for the rules (at least when it suits them). Please burn that rule book and put these guys in the pre-season playoff. The Premier Division needs a little Gallic flair!
| k3 | Exon | T-Mac | Tek | Flippy | Plapla |
Although T-Mac left Team Infused to focus on his studies, the call of competition seems to have proven too strong. No one ever really quits. He is prepared to commit at least two days a week to his love affair with Team Fortress 2, and it seems his expectations for this team are high; sights firmly set on second place and his former teammates. But all that depends on the mercy of the ETF2L admins and perhaps just how much of a fuss you can all kick up on the forums, IRC and Twitter.
Still, it is interesting Captainhax chose to stay clear of this iteration of the team he has captained many times before. Could it be the legendary rage of Exon that has made him keep his distance? Whether they produce magnificence or meltdowns, I still want to see them in Season 16’s Premier Division!
HoverCrabs
Ah! Anyway, where was I? Oh, Russians! Since Last Man Standing didn’t manage to survive the off-season, I guess that makes HoverCrabs the defenders of Russian honour. Playing under various names in the past four years, this has always been D1ego$’ team, although he currently resides there in an inactive status.
The arrival of community stalwart, Galant, from ISIS at the start of the last season has given them a new lease of life, lifting them out of the quagmire of Division 2A with an impressive 12-0 record. This is not new ground for the majority of the roster, in fact, only Spicy lacks any prior Division 1 experience.
| Galant | mort | ??? | sammie | Spicy | kensi |
Currently, the team are trying to finalise their roster with an experienced pocket. I would have thought Ordinator to be a good fit here, but as you read on you will see his allegiances may lie elsewhere. Come what may, these Russkies won’t be a push over; Galant and mort have three seasons together already, also playing with sammie in ISIS.
Then again, this season’s Division 1 is shaping up to be incredibly tough and this is a roster returning from a long summer of inactivity who are allegedly not intending to sacrifice excessive amounts of time to the gods of competition. So, looks doubtful that they will be bringing any silverware back to the motherland come November.
4-25
The second grouping of our Russian comrades is one that I knew significantly less about, at least until I was contacted by an enthusiastic Dikker. I recognised him as the Russian caster but apart from that I had no real grasp of his history. To be honest, the only member of the roster I had spent significant time playing with or against was msh.
Founded from a mix team created for the ESA Cups that actually managed to beat Team Decerto (then Furbo Pandas), their christening was the result of a poor K-D ratio earned by one of their previous scouts… two games in a row. So not exactly big shoes to fill for msh, who himself has been tireless in his efforts to trial for various Premiership and Division 1 teams, but ultimately unable to catch a break.
| Dikker | Death | Anak | comedown | yangpie | msh |
The few logs that I saw showed map wins against both HoverCrabs and TERRORISTS, but the full weight of evidence seems to have been stacked against them as the admins have provisionally placed them in Division 2. The caster in me says why not give them a shot through the Division 1 playoffs? Make it a nice even four teams? Gwan Permzilla!
[Hmtrhrhs`](http://etf2l.org/teams/18697/)
Unpronounceable to even Israelis, this a team name and roster masterminded by Retsh0ck and coinciding with expiration of matnuN and Tarkus’ bans. Hard to believe it was twelve months ago that I got my own pocket banned from ETF2L. Tempus fugit.
On paper this is an exceptional team. Royze, Retsh0ck and matnuN formed the tightest combo of their era, and clinched the last ESL Premier Division title in dramatic style. Yes, I always bring that up, but it still holds a special place in my heart. Plenty of time has passed since then, and Retsh0ck is probably the only one who remained close to active, but still I know there is magic between these players.
| Royze | Retsh0ck | matnuN | Tarkus | Nivzeh | fadestep |
This probably my Israeli dream team… well maybe Player Thirty-Two for Nivzeh and some sort of gag to stop Tarkus from actually speaking. Fadestep is a remarkable player who never truly fulfilled his potential, choosing real life and later, League of Legends, over Team Fortress 2. Royze vs F2 in Division 1? Why would anyone bother following the Premiership?!
The kicker here is that most of these guys are or soon will be preoccupied with Israeli military service, so activity and availability is going to be a real millstone around their necks and the only reason they are not competing in the division above. Retsh0ck assures me that they will play all their officials at the very least, but I know the Jews tried something similar in previous seasons and it just didn’t work. The jury is out on this one…
Elemental Violence
Now this, this is one of the genuinely unexpected surprises of all my investigative eSports journalism. A team of unknowns, has-beens and never-weres. The only consistent, season-to-season competitor amongst them is Shrike410, which is no shining endorsement I might add. Yet, somehow they are putting in big results against all and sundry to such a point that the admins have declared them the end boss for the pre-season Division 1 playoffs.
Their secret weapon appears to be JakescRzyy, younger brother of Twisted Play/Infused circlejerker BenscRzy, who seems destined to make a big splash in ETF2L this season. The damage output I’ve seen in pre-season logs may just be the forbearer of a future upcoming talent of the season award. Running in the same internet circles as numlocked, this is one to keep an eye on.
Behind every great demoman is a great scout pair and you might not have even heard of these two. Mr. G – String is one these bizarre players who is skilled to the point of having cult following, regularly attends LAN, but has never had the inclination to compete above Division 2. Plysse is a Danish dark horse who picked up gold Division 3D before being plucked from obscurity by Turbomonkey, whose startlingly successful endeavour this seems to be.
| Turbomonkey | JakescRzyy. | Sonny Black | Shrike410 | Mr. G – String | Plysse |
The revived roster also maintains some incredible depth with players like Headhunter and Zethzio available as backups, though currently favouring the offline life. The monkey also cited sharing a Mumble with Reverto as an important source of feedback on their games, but then went on to say that he reckons the team will be a slow burner. Don’t believe my hype. You can follow their progress in both ETF2L and ESEA.
Superstars Only
Superstars Only may represent the antithesis of what’s going on over at Elemental Violence. A rehashed team of the usual suspects drifting around Division 1, cobbled together at the last minute for another roll of the dice. CommanderX reprises his role as leader come medic for another season, trying to lure wandering players in to his team with his virtual siren’s song.
The team only played for the first time on Thursday, the day of the deadline, but they still find themselves in contention for a Division 1 spot. This whole operation may not even be that structurally sound, as I’ve heard Ordinator’s name mentioned in relation to at least three teams in the past week and Kouna was set to decide between this and another roster. However, it seems their inclusion in pre-season playoffs has made up the potential-laden demoman’s mind for him.
One Sonny Black was also due to play with the team on Thursday, but he instead chose to go offline on Steam and play under an alias with his new teammates at elemv. All that just to avoid an awkward conversation with Xavier Hardy? Spineless Black, more like it!
| CommanderX | Kouna | Ordinator | Luzzu | drleånn | crouton |
No idea if Luzzu is actually playing or just making up numbers so that they could dupe admins and make the signup deadline. Also not sure if drleånn is playing scout or soldier, but it didn’t seem worth holding off on publishing these fine words for. Will this team fold if they flop in the playoffs? Who gives a fuck.
I will reiterate that there will be a fifth and, hopefully, final edition coming out sometime in the next few days inscribing the tales of a couple of other also-rans and updates that have occurred since the beginning of this whole disgusting process. Loose ends will be tied up. Hearts will be broken.
Originally published on VanillaTV (vanillatf2.org) on 2013-09-14 by Admirable.
Recovered from the Internet Archive (archived copy) as part of tf2esports.com's preservation of VanillaTV's TF2 coverage. The original site is no longer online. All rights remain with the original author; reposted for historical reference.