The king of useless posts returns to tell a story about an “emperor”. God help us all.
I’ve had lots of positive feedback on my expose on the greatest/sexiest player of all time (http://vanillatf2.org/2010/03/the-rant-chapter-1-the-greatest-kill-in-history/), and have been asked/nagged many times since to write another article, so when GibbZ approached me with a story, I jumped on it like Loco into a rocket.
So, without further ado, here’s the scoop;
I’m pleased to announce Ziit’s long-awaited comeback into TF2!
Of course, you’ll remember that 2 months ago, a terrible accident happened. The emperor of Finland and his naked manservants were injured in a devastating explosion. Caused by a 54 GHz overclocked Pentium 3, the blast destroyed most of Finland, slightly stabbing several people on its travels. The shrapnel of outdated processor flew many hundreds of miles, famously reaching Norway, speeding straight through BERSERKER s window mid-official.
Emperor + Manservants : Taken moments before the deadly overheat
Ziit’s old computer still hasn’t been recovered, though the discovery by NASA of an anomaly tearing through time and space, at the speed of light, (just round the corner from Mars) was mere seconds after the explosion, leading most people to conclude the Pentium 3 has travelled to a separate dimension.
He now has a new computer with comparably slow speed.
Ziit after recovering in hospital
I interviewed eMpathy member, and the emperors primary bum chum GibbZ on the Finnish monarchs return.
Q : What do you think of his return?
“Now Ziits got a new PC it’s almost like he’s good…. I’ve never seen such aim. He is 2xcookye.”
“Hes back with 5x the fps, stronger then ever, aimbot like even!”
Bold statements indeed. However, GibbZ has more important things to care about…
The second person I contacted was prevalent Israeli politician, none other than the BattleJew, John Spartan, who is actually from London or some shit, and only pretends to be a Jew so he gets to wear the free bling. (<3 u)
Q : What do you think of Ziits return?
“I have no idea who he is, so indifferent”
The final person I interrogated was Anglo-Italian stallion, pasta eating n0va/edd. He had just enough time to take off his pink headset and answer my question.
Q : Whats your opinion on Ziits return?
“who? well tbh, i dont really know him. never played with him. though from what people have said, he seems alright.”
So there you have it… best of luck to Ziit, both in TF2 and in ruling Finland with an iron fist.
Thanks for slugging through for a second time…
Photo courtesy of Finnish monarchy
Originally published on VanillaTV (vanillatf2.org) on 2010-03-26 by Memento Mori.
Recovered from the Internet Archive (archived copy) as part of tf2esports.com's preservation of VanillaTV's TF2 coverage. The original site is no longer online. All rights remain with the original author; reposted for historical reference.