(ESEAnews) - Not much of an introduction this week, as all of the good and interesting roster moves happened in Invite and Open (I'm looking at you, We Can Warriors (I'm looking especially hard at you, the beautiful Mr. Harkness, and I would like to cordially invite you to a dinner-date with perhaps also a movie, during which I would lovingly stroke your faux-hawk)). Enjoy these predictions, which were written with bitterness and hatred for your amusement!
ESEA TF2 IM SEASON 11 - WEEK 3
xensity vs egyptian flamingos · cp_gullywash_final1 · Tue, Apr 24th at 12:30pm
Prediction: xen < egypt 2-5 by djc-
There are two important things to note about this match. The first is that Defy will no longer be playing for The Mad Men this season, having played his requisite three matches to meet the roster hijack rule. The second is that without Defy to make fun of, the amount of comments I can make about the team dropped roughly 250%. Last week, after their match versus royalty which ended as a nailbiting 4-3, members of the opposing team were reported as saying “that was the best team we ever played... and defy.” Expect the team to come out strong on Gullywash in order to prove the truth behind that statement. As for Xensity, they completed what many would call an upset by taking down Shorthand Bicycle Design on the back of another excellent game by Tony “The Bowel Disruptor” Swan. They even took two rounds off of IM's top seed (who were admittedly missing their starting medic), and the addition of Teto as roamer seems to have given Xensity new life.
But if there is one thing rr- and bl4nk are good at, it is killing the spirits of and draining the life from every single person around them. Their rage is infectious and bubbli—what do you mean they don't rage this season? WHY MUST YOU TAKE AWAY ALL OF MY JOKES, MAD MEN!??! You guys are just the meanest. Without the AoE effect of their fury impacting Xensity's play, the Mad Men will have to rely on their balls-deep aggression to win them rounds. Panic's bombs function as the spearhead of the team's aggression on mids, and I struggle to see how Xensity can cope with that. Teto should be able to find his way through the mess of the battlefield and will save some rounds for his team with key medic picks, but the fight on Xensity's side of middle is just going to be too overwhelming for them to handle. Look for a huger game than usual out of bl4nk as the cleanup king, and as much as it is starting to sound like a broken record, watch for Tony Swan's deep sea monstrosity of a voice to lead the charge for Xensity.
The Five Dollar Club vs Vector Gaming · cp_gullywash_final1 · Wed, Apr 25th at 1:00pm
Prediction: nl < vec 2-5 by djc-
In the preseason, I might have looked at this match and said “that's my match of the week!” I would have said that Mayhem have too much power on their heavy classes and that pet was too strong to be bested by milehighmilitia. And now that we are three weeks in, I can safely say that theoretical future me would have been dead wrong. Gremaud and Caidh are as advertised and Kraka injected some much needed life into their scout pair, but things just have not come together in a big way for Mayhem. While Caidh had internet issues and had to drop out of the team's match against iT, taking a 4-1 beatdown on Viaduct from a middle-of-the-road team is not a good sign for Mayhem. Vector come in having surpassed plenty of expectations, using my pro-aMg prediction last week to pull off a 4-0 stomping that saw Shwan, DougyG and milehighmilitia doing pretty much all of the work. Shwan seems pretty hit-or-miss on pocket and Dougy isn't going to be completely pressure-free on push maps, but Vector look impressive... and perhaps the most worrying part for other teams is that Schnell still hasn't hit the potential most people say he has.
Having scrimmed against Mayhem on Gullywash plenty of times last season, it feels like Gremaud is just better at it than other demomen. It also seems like Caidh's best map... but there's still a flank to account for, and as I will prattle on and on about until it changes, Mayhem's is struggling. Abramelin's play is pretty uninspiring and while Kraka certainly has the DM to lead a scout pair, the big criticism of him has always been his intelligence and his lack of experience in knowing where to be and how to watch the flank. Vector will be able to abuse that, with milehigh coordinating plays with his long-time scout partner, thrckstr, and that should shut down the Mayhem flank with ease. Look for thrckstr to benefit the most from this on Vector's side, and you know what – I'm calling that Abramelin goes a little nuts for Mayhem.
The Teenage Cucumbers vs the post-woodpig destiny · cp_gullywash_final1 · Fri, Apr 27th at 1:30pm
Prediction: SLIN > wupig 4-3 by djc-
The most exciting tidbit of news this week comes from aMazing Gaming, who will be rotating through to their fifth soldier of the season, as they picked up St. Patrick's oldest and dearest friend cringe to play pocket. This marks the ninety third time that St. Patrick and cringe will be paired together on a team, and if past experiences are any indication, then they will make their 100th Reunion Tour sometime in early 2013. The move shores up what was their biggest weakness and Cringe is kind of nuts on soldier, where he gets to flash that Invite-level hitscan aim. Pairing him with StampeeD will do wonders for MR. “Worst Dodging in TF2” SLIN's stats. As for royalty: mason messaged me after last week's game against the Mad Men to rub my face in my incorrect prediction and to tell me what an idiot I was. Now, if I were a less mature person, I would let that act influence my current and future pred writi–hey wait, what do you know, I've hit my word limit for talking about royalty in this article! Whoops!
Expect to see Cringe go enormous in his debut as pocket soldier. Even if he hasn't been keeping his TF2 brain all that sharp and even if it's been about five seasons since he acted as a rocket man, his DM should be enough to keep his head, chest, stomach and upper thighs above water. As for [REDACTED], expect their pocket soldier to continue viewing everything said about him as a massive slight and for that to cause him deep-seated rage and self-esteem issues, to accompany those caused by the fact that his roamer is way better than him at video games.
Dead Dazzle vs High Rollers Gaming_ · cp_gullywash_final1 · Fri, Apr 27th at 12:30pm
Prediction: WD > HRG 5-4 by BlueberryVillain
Guest prediction by SYOPS TF2's Blueberry Villain
I'm flattered djc asked me to do the guest prediction for his team this week (actually I asked him but that's just a technicality). Anywhooo, what do we have here, arguably the two best teams in Intermediate going at it on one of my personal favorites cp_gullywash. These teams are pretty even across the board when it comes to player DM, awareness, and such things, so I'd wager the majority of the fights will be decided by which of the scout tandems get the upper hand. I like the experience and craftiness of The Dead Hand Gangs side on that note, which is likely a surprise to some. A couple other players I will be watching to settle the mids are Memphis Von and how he times and targets his aggression, can he can open the holes for The Dead Hand Gang to push on? For That's So Rando, can their underrated demoman Kapoww stay upright if he's being pressured hard while still dealing a good amount of damage? Tune in to find out.
As for the rest of the map and how it plays out, I'm going favor That's So Rando a little bit and the reason being is the Combo. On gullywash when it comes to muscling people around and taking ubers, a good uber on this map can move you from holding your own 2, to pushing their last. Not to slight our fantastic IM predictor/soldier mr. djc, I'm just suspecting Rando/Trekkie will have a few really good ubers; ones that tip the transitions fights in That's So Randos favor. As for pushing the oh so stalematey lasts, both teams have superb Snipers in Justin and Loronix to get picks and pretty crafty offclassers, so I really don't see a one sided advantage there. In the end I think the experience of The Dead Hand Gang's players is going to be the difference in some Mids and some Last Holds/Pushes and I'm taking the "upset" pick, 5-4 The Dead Hand Gang over That's So Rando.
Watch The Throne vs Hentai Classy · cp_gullywash_final1 · Mon, Apr 30th at 1:00pm
Prediction: watche > 160GB 5-3 by djc-
Ass Pounders led off the season with a near-upset over Mayhem and then careened over the edge of the waterfall and have just been getting sucked under the rapids ever since. Yuki remains impressive to the point where I basically spent all of our Viaduct match last week apologizing to Ben, and conductor picked up his play significantly playing the greatest demo map in the game. The big issues with the team seem to reside in the combo, and it boils down to Auburn just not doing enough damage with the heals he has. The pieces are in place for the team to make big improvements, but the young MGE master needs to transfer that Badlands spire aptitude into 6v6 if the Ass Pounders want to pick up a win. As for the Genital Swarths... well, I rang for an Open team the other night and mustardoverlord was messaging one of the team members after saying that even though he got out-damaged by their demo, he had more pipe kills. And really, isn't that what matters the most? Pipe kills. Nothing else. Just pipe kills. Outside of TF2's local historian, the most impressive part of the team lately has been Ma3la, who is coming off of a 45 frag performance on Viaduct while being second on his team in damage. He is quickly slotting in to the second spot on the list of roamers capable of outplaying their pockets, right behind Milehighmilitia.
I do think that ultimately, this is Ass Pounder's best chance for round wins so far (until they meet Firebot, anyway). Yuki is a certified beast and as good as Crus and Ametrine can be, I have not seen anyone in IM shut down the Aussie yet. He nearly won a map of Snakewater by himself and I see the same thing happening here, especially with all of the scout friendly places to bounce around on mid and the spire-knockoff at second. For the Swarths, I'm going with the team's namesake as my big player, mister Swarth himself. He has been a little underwhelming thus far this season, but against a team with a weak combo I can see him thriving. It will no doubt help to have his own Australian, Tommunist, making his return to medic for the team... at least until mustardoverlord cuts him to pick up BluE- in a week.
22d · cp_gullywash_final1 · Fri, Apr 27th at 12:00pm
Prediction: PLEASE > 22d 5-3 by djc-
My personal goal for this season is to watch as little of Team iT's games as possible. I want them to be a mystery wrapped inside an enigma factory sealed inside an Abba Zaba bar package. Every time that I sit down to write about them, I want to have no clue what the hell I'm talking about and I want to struggle to come up with things to say. Three weeks of that down, five to go baby! In their losses, iT have kept it close and they finally pulled off a legit win against Mayhem last week thanks to the dominant play of their trio of all star talent, bumpy, SS and huang. Now being added into the mix, at least for a little while according to Skaboss, is slippin with slipz's former medic, slipz. Slips slipz slippin slipz slippity sllllipmnnbndddddddddddddddddddddddd
Do you think that was an adequate textual representation of a stroke? I sure hope so. Their opponents, formerly Carl Sagan Foundation (I am never referring to them by their god awful new name), are coming off of a bipolar week that saw SteveC in one match show off his newly-discovered DM capabilities with 39 frags, and saw SteveC in another match do bottom damage while getting easily outplayed by the epitome of mediocrity on scout. Bipolar seems a good term for the team, since their soldiers appear to struggle greatly with consistency. I have seen both Remedy and Waffleb flash some good, creative soldier play but they seem just as capable of vanishing in a puff of illogic. The result of this match is heavily dependent upon which set of soldiers show up for them, and right now, I'm expecting Remedy to have his best game of the season so far, and that will be accompanied by an Oscar-worthy scout performance from Team iT's bumpy.
cp_gullywash_final1 · Wed, Apr 25th at 12:00pm
Prediction: BNGD < PLEASE 0-5 by djc-
Last week featured the greatest NATF2 post of all time, with defiance's brilliant “submit a ticket pls” to Killing. This week, the eXtelevision team will be providing its laughs in the old fashioned way: by bungling about in TF2. Viaduct week saw them get their first round wins, everyone clinging desperately to turtsmcgurts' back as he picked up two round wins against the Genital Swarths. Gobiner also managed to use Shwan's vicious words as fuel for his internal fire and managed to out-damage mustardoverlord while no doubt taking ten percent of his heals. Unfortunately, there is little to say about this match! I can see eX pulling out a round win if waffleb and remedy struggle like they did in Viaduct week, but that seemed like more of a map issue than an issue of playing. Check out SteveC for a massive amount of cleanup kills and baffling Boston Basher attempts, while the man to watch for eX is and always will be turtsmc “fuckin” gurts.
slippin with slipz vs IM Illuminati · cp_gullywash_final1 · Thu, Apr 26th at 12:00pm
Prediction: beaut < iM 0-2 by djc-
Trust me when I say that picking which of SYOPS's matches to predict this week was unbearably difficult. I was given the choice between breaking my own “never predict Firebot matches” rule, and trying to write a prediction about a match that was going to be a forfeit win. And in all honesty, it feels like this match is going to be the more competitive of the two.
I mean, theoretically... there could be an error in ESEA's automated system, right? Somehow we played the worst possible and most wrong version of Gullywash last season. The version we played was like two calendar years out of date! If an error like that can exist, surely a 1 or a 0 can go out of place and slippin with slipz can get a default win out of this mess, right?? Now, here are the factors that I consider important to watch in this match: it is scheduled to take place on Wednesday at 10:00 PM EST and I assume that is roughly when the forfeit will be decided. What if a freak thunder storm strikes down all of ESEA's servers? What if a hurricane hits the coast and is so forceful that it manages to come far enough inbound to kill huge sections of the power grid? Maybe an act of God is unnecessary! Maybe the world is thrust 150 years into the past and we find ourselves in the Old West due to some poor choices of an enthusiastic-but-crazed scientist, and the ESEA-related fallout involves a group of Mexican banditos crossing the border to assault the city of Dallas for supplies, and a nice load of buckshot finds its way into the Texas 160 server that the match is going to take place on? Maybe someone in ESEA is just a dick and thinks it would be funny to give a dead team a forfeit win... The possibilities are endless, guys! And no matter how unlikely those scenarios may be, no matter how much divine intervention they would require – the chances of slipz getting the forfeit win are still probably higher than Firebot's chances to take a round.
IM POWER RANKINGS - WEEK 3
1. Thats So Rando -- (~)
2. The Mad Men -- (~)
3. The Dead Hand Gang -- (~)
4. Vector-Gaming -- (UP 1)
5. [REDACTED] -- (UP 3)
6. Carl Sagan Foundation -- (~)
7. aMazing Gaming -- (DOWN 3)
8. Team iT -- (NEW)
Mayhem continue their downward spiral and it's becoming questionable whether they can rebound from it, being passed up by royalty and Team iT this week in the process of getting booted off of the list. Speaking of, iT make a return to the list following their win over Mayhem last week! aMazing Gaming took what was probably an overly harsh hit after taking the dreaded double 4-0 on Viaduct, but dammit guys, I predicted you to win 4-3 and then Shwan made fun of me about it. Not cool.
Originally published on ESEA on 4/24/2012, 3:13 AM by djc-.
Archived from ESEA TF2 IM - Week 3 Predictions as part of tf2esports.com's preservation of ESEA's TF2 coverage. All rights remain with the original author and ESEA; reposted for historical reference.